Dance Our Way Home

by Twyla Kowalenko

Enhancing my relationship with the feminine, both divine and manifested, was what drew me to Esther Harding’s book Woman’s Mysteries Ancient and Modern. What I hadn’t expected is to have my concepts of self and relationship to my essence as a woman so completely questioned and overturned. This, however, is what has transpired and, despite the difficult questions that I have been posed, I have a completely new and unexpected relationship with my feminal nature.  This is one book that I can honestly say has changed my life and my understanding of it.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been attracted to the feminine – at least on an aesthetic level.  I believed that my desire to be as womanly as possible physically meant that I was really connected to my own feminine essence, or eros (although I wouldn’t have termed it as such).  When it goes below the surface, however, it has been the masculine traits I have long espoused and venerated within myself, an understanding that has only become clear to me from reading Woman’s Mysteries.

I won’t go so far to say that the book was a pleasure to read or that I didn’t sometimes find myself overwhelmed with Jungian theory. My tendency to examine things in linear terms (a masculine attribute) had me often questioning the validity behind information that vacillated between historical tales and mythical legends; “What is the point of all this detail? Where is the truth in all this?” I asked. The reality for me became clear when I was able to get below the facts and minutiae and explore where the myths and symbols resonated within me.

One aspect of Harding’s work that I found myself intrigued by was her study of moon worship and its associated initiations. My love for finding patterns (another masculine quality) was delighted to find triadic relationships woven throughout the many myths and rituals: three phases of the moon, three initiations, three gifts of the moon, and three forms of the goddess. The ultimate guidance offered to me in these various trinities seems to lie not in groups of three but in the balance of pairs/syzygies: masculine and feminine, inner and outer, conscious and unconscious. I felt the enthusiasm of this discovery not only at a logical, mental level but in a deeper part of me, a part longing for equilibrium at my very core.

According to the book, such a deep equipoise of the masculine and feminine has been obtained throughout history through various initiations. Since the initiations described in the book, such as sacred prostitution, are hardly possible for a woman in this society, relating to the book’s wisdom meant finding ways in which it could be practically applied.  Developing personal rituals are key to changing my connection to my own feminine essence since reading stimulating work and gaining a rationale understanding just won’t cut it with this one – not when dealing with something much deeper than rational reality.

Thankfully I already have the space I need to explore these rituals in my modern-day life. It was already quite clear to me that dance is extremely helpful in deepening my understand of both self and Self, dropping into a place deeper than my logos-oriented mind, exploring my own emotional experience, and relating to the cyclical nature inherent in all aspects of life. What this book has helped me to understand is that such an experience of authentic movement, especially one that is a women-only space such as Dance Our Way Home, can provide the container I need, or rather that we as women need, to recreate our own rituals, our own initiations, and reconnect to our own truth. Through dance we can begin the healing that we need, not only as individuals, but as a larger collective as well.

Dancing has opened up new realms of knowledge I previously had no conscious notion of and I am increasingly finding wholeness within such a place. For this I am grateful to Esther Harding for sharing her timeless insights as well as to my dance community for sharing their hearts, their love and their journeys with me.

Thank you to all the beautiful dancing goddesses.  Keep dancing!

This book has now become a print-on-demand title. The Toronto Women’s Bookstore is quite willing to order it, so please support our wonderful local business by visiting http://www.womensbookstore.com/ or writing info@womensbookstore.com for ordering information.